The most courageous young man I have ever met in my life...

Yes, that would be Reed Horton.  Maya Angelou is quoted saying, "One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest. "  


Reed is kind, true, merciful, generous, and honest.  I think that his disease has finally caught up with him.  I received a text message from him today saying that he didn't feel well.  I did not hesitate to tell him I would meet him at the nurses office.  We checked his blood sugar level and it was normal, I looked into his eyes and knew that he simply did not feel good. He asked to stay at school and shortly after I left he continued to text me telling me he didn't feel good.  After telling him to go to the nurses office again, he came home.  As he and Kandee Willis would say, "Bless his pancreas", because my strong, handsome, young man slept for three hours.  He has dark circles under his eyes, and still does not feel well.  This week in Physical Education class they began running, outside.  Thankfully he has it first period, and it has been cooler in the mornings.  HOWEVER, he still does not feel well.  

Dr. Amrhein and his wonderful staff told me to be prepared for the down days as well as the up days, and today was a down.  I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with him when he doesn't feel well, that I can go to the school when he needs me, and that our family understands when they need to be quite because Reed doesn't feel well. Even the twins were angels today after school, because they knew...God is good even in the bad.  He has provided and set me up for this time in my life.  Thank you, Lord, for furnishing a house to live in, food to eat, money to buy medicine, and a husband that does not ask any questions about a child that is not his flesh and blood.  I am so grateful that I have such a time as this to reflect on where and what God has provided for our family.  


I have come to the realization that today has been a bad day for Reed, and that there will be many more.  But there is victory in a new day!  I know that we are learning and growing from each and everyday that he is fighting diabetes.  I am praying that he becomes more comfortable in his new skin and that his illness continues to strengthen him.


The second full week of school....ohh boy...is it Summer yet?

"The Words I Would Say"

Reed and I were on the way to the doctor today, to have his pump connected, and this song was on the radio, it is by Sidewalk Prophets.

Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say 


From this, I want to tell you all, Reed has had a wonderful day, the doctor's appointment was AWESOME and his A1C level is 7.5, which is unheard of!  We are strong in the Lord, and have not given up hope, Reed IS and IS GOING to do great things, I already know, God's got his hands on him, and on you.  We don't live in fear, we have forgiven but can't forget about his disease, but I know why he is here....he is the closest thing to heaven I have here on earth....

You can grant yourself the freedom to live and let live, to love...

and let love.  How do you get your nearest and dearest to change their behavior, actions, or feelings?  Love them unconditionally, so much so that it hurts (you and them).  You maybe asking, "now how do I do that?"...and the answer is....STOP giving a darn what they do!

Do you find yourself being judged, abused, criticized, and feel like nothing is good enough?  Well, then close your mouth!  Think about, for a moment, what to say...we are like perplexed piranha's.  Sometimes we don't know the right thing to say back or even how to escape the criticism and judgement.  However, if we would accept people as they are, and realize that they do not need to change for anyone but their own good,  we can begin to erase our intense negative emotions that trigger our fears and defensiveness.  I have found that loving without caring is sometimes a useful approach.  ESPECIALLY WITH FAMILIES!    When care appears, unconditional love vanishes!  There are many shades of sadness, fear and various outcomes!

When Reed was first diagnosed, exactly one month ago today, my fear for his future somewhat overshadowed his existence.  For me loving without care means that I stay calm for him, I love him to pieces but I have to leave my care at the door when he chooses not to eat a snack in the middle of the day.  For me loving without care means that I love my mother enough to step back and care enough to walk away.  You see real healing and real love are from people who are both totally committed to helping, themselves and others, and are able to emotionally detach.

Our nature is to be anxious and controlling, Reed does not respond to this, nor do many other people in the entire world!  I love Reed and do care about what happens to him, however I care because he is still my dependent child, he is my only son (blood son), and he is one of the closest glimpses of heaven I will ever see on earth (and so is Brooke, even when she is huffing at me).  But I have to remind myself, no matter how well my intentions are, I have to learn to love without caring what the end result will be.

This is a bumpy ride, especially from the eyes of a 9th grader with Type 1 Diabetes.  However I am learning from him that when I feel sad, angry, or anxious I have to stay focused on one being, and that being is GOD!  God does not ever have to do anything to make me happy, He never has to change or alter His behavior, and He does not always like mine.  He will never leave me nor forsake me.  Ask your self by filling in the blanks, "If ________ would only ________ then I could feel __________".

The key element is "I could feel ________".

As much as I would love for my sentence to read "If there were a cure for diabetes I would ask that there be enough medicine to heal everyone in the world, then I could feel confident that Reed will live a very long and prosperous life".  However I realized that my sentence should say, "If I would only trust God completely then I could feel honored to be chosen by Him to have a child with Type 1 Diabetes".

The first day of school was trying, and I want to thank you all for your prayers, love, and concern for Reed.  I also am so shocked that there have been quite a few people asking where the blog is!!!!  Thank you...

Remember that the Walk for Diabetes is September 10 at Fluor Field...let me know if you would like to walk with us!!!!!

Did we get approved for the pump?????

I recently, as you all know, have become intrigued by the topic of hope!  If anything I think it will help Reed with his sense of hope in living with Diabetes.  With that being said, are you hopeful or hopeless?

The basic needs of hope according to "Hope in the Age of Anxiety" by Anthony Scioli and Henry Biller are attachment, mastery, or survival.  There are three "pure forms" of hopelessness and a breakdown in one of these three needs can most certainly be overcome.  These three are "alienation, powerlessness, and doom".  By recognizing which one of these we need to confront, we can restructure our thoughts and become armed with prescriptions of hope that put the light back into our lives.

In my own life, I am a very hopeful person.  I hope for a cure for Diabetes, I hope for happiness in our family, and most of all I hope for Reed to be successful in whatever journey he takes.  With these thoughts, I realize that my Brooke also is a very hopeful person.  Her dreams and desires are to become a surgeon.  She is determined to accomplish great and wonderful things, and I know that she will.  Where is your hope?

Reed is the "Shooter" (he gives himself his insulin shots) and I am the "Pricker" or as he calls me the "Prick"...every single time we laugh about this and I know people are wondering why he is calling his mother the "Prick"...if they only knew, huh?  We have learned that we are powerful over the disease of diabetes, we have days where we feel alienated (after he spent the afternoon in the condo at the beach with his great friend Freddie and we were in the heat...I think he was the smart one), there are always  words that coms to us that inspire us during the day, and most of all we are not limited by the disease...we maybe challenged, but not limited.  Helplessness is not an option.

As we pack to come home from the beach, I ask you, is hopelessness an option?  Do you want to be hopeful?  By coming to the realization and clinging to hope in the midst of trials, a difficult situation can become bearable, hope will enable you to get through it.

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope" Romans 15:4.

We have had a wonderful vacation---tours of Savannah, dolphin cruise, ate at Paula Deen's restaurant, and had more of the beach than some of us can tolerate.  Today we are going to the Bass Pro Shop...yipee, can you feel my excitement!  I can't wait to get back home....sleep in my bed, and not have gritty sand on my feet even when I am inside, but I know that God gave me this trip with Reed (and everybody else) to become even more comfortable in our skin...ohhh, and by the way....we have been approved for the pump, and may even have it before school starts back!!!!!!!

Laughter

There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, more wonderful than the sound of laughter...especially when it is four children sitting in the floor making up dice games, laughing until they are crying.  Humor is infectious.  I found some interesting facts on Helpguide.org.

• Roaring Laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze
• Laughter binds people together and increases happiness
• Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress
• The best thing of all...it is free!!!!

I have found over the past 14 days, our families laughter has made me feel good.  It has helped and encouraged us to have a positive outlook through difficult situations.  It has given us courage, strength, and provided us with hope.  

I think of the song in Mary Poppins..."I love to laugh"...my sisters will laugh when they read this.  We used to sit in the living room and watch this movie...so much so that I even had the record, yes I said the record.  My favorite line is this, "The more I laugh, the more I fill with glee, and the more the glee, the more I'm a merrier me, it's embarrassing!  The more I'm a merrier me!".  

Here is the link on "You Tube"...hope it makes you laugh like it makes me!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1dkTrNH92Y

I will sign off with "the more I laugh, the more I'm a merrier me!"

Laugh more, cry less, and love often!!!